Despite every day job I have ever worked, I always needed to make time for art to have a place in my life. There have been times where my day job consumed so much of my energy and zapped my creativity that I no longer had the time or energy to let Art in, and those jobs I was all too happy to leave behind. Some jobs were soul-sucking, making me feel less than human, and that also was not a petri dish in which the cells of creativity could thrive. Still other jobs simply didn’t pay me enough to make ends meet. These jobs offered me the time to make art, and they didn’t zap my mental or emotional energy, but the stress over not being able to pay bills ultimately always won out. 

I spent years searching for the right combination in a day job. Something that would keep me engaged and interested, but would not kill my energy levels. Something that made me feel I was contributing to the world, rather than stealing from my soul. Something that allowed me to maintain a balanced life, and one where there was still time and space for art.

I found one but, still there are cracks. The cracks leave me feeling less than, misaligned from my soul, pained and disconnected. The cracks leave me running for art so that I can emotionally manage myself.

I had a week this past week where I just felt so emotionally disconnected from people. Or maybe, just felt like people in general are emotionally disconnected. Some stuff wasn’t working right, and as much as I asked for help and, more importantly, truth, I just wasn’t getting it in return. I’m a little stubborn so I just kept picking at the situation like it was an itchy scab, really intent on getting a reaction that felt even remotely human but, nothing. In the end, the situation resolved itself, everything was fine. But as much as I was grateful for that, I was still left with a hole that needed to be filled—a hole that was formed by a missed opportunity to be treated with humanity.

Whenever these types of holes form in my life, emotional potholes waiting to be repaired, I always turn to working with my hands. I get out my paints, I find my oil pastels, I plant a garden…. anything that gets my hands dirty. Working with my hands, creating something, is always the therapy I need. It fills the holes. It makes me feel human.

This is the creation I came up with after this past week. My teen daughter says that it isn’t “aesthetic” lol, but I still like it. My son will plant his peas on one side and my husband will plant his zucchini on the other. And I will have made a thing.

-mtg

>>Find me on the socials: @mariagiulianidotca

>>> Also, my novel Came by Chance explores the story of a professional woman turning 40, wishing to one day have a family of her own. It is a love story set in beautiful Newfoundland, Canada. Available on Kindle, Kobo and Apple Books for only $1.99!