I’ve been having a hard time focusing lately. I’ll sit down at my computer in the morning, prepared to get to work, and I’ll just stare at the screen, unable to process my next steps. There are too many balls in the air, too many things requiring my attention.
The kids have been pushed to being relatively independent since March, but they’ll still forget to eat, or “forget” their chores. Ball.
The puppy can’t be trusted for more than 45 mins before impending doom by way of an accident on my carpet. Ball.
Back to school is around the corner, and like most parents, sending our kids into an unventilated cesspool of germs is proving stressful. Our lack of options is stressful. Ball.
I have work to do, a set number of tasks that need to get done each day, a set number of hours I am paid to work each week, I don’t have a choice but to get it done. Ball.
The kids still need their mama. Several times a day. Pointe finale. Ball.
Everybody has a schedule. I’m in charge of knowing everyone’s schedule. Ball.
I need to start labelling school supplies. Ball.
We need groceries. Ball.
Those groceries need to be turned into meals. Ball.
The house…. the house… Ball. Ball. Ball.
I’m managing my own self-care, making sure to give myself more of what I need. But, these days I don’t even know what that is. I need sleep. I need to not be stressed. I need to hide my stress from my kids. I need to focus. What I need more than anything right now is focus. My brain feels like it is splintering.
This morning I sat down at my computer, and after clicking from screen to screen to screen, unable to decide on which one I should land, unable to bring any of them into focus, I decided to step away. I went outside. I got on my bike. I gave myself something concrete to focus on. Even if just for half an hour. Even if just for 5 minutes. Sometimes stepping away is the best kind of self-care.
This pandemic parenting isn’t over. One way or another we need to keep it together.
-mtg
Maria Giuliani - Writings 